Hi Ho Hi Ho...It's off to work we go!!!

I know, it hasn't been a week, but already the days yawn before me...with daytime television trying to kill off the few brain cells I have and books, of which I am reading one a day, I simply can't make myself any busyER.

In Idledom where I currently dwell, there is little to keep me amused or occupied...there are a number of places I could visit...Tedium, Humdrum and Abeyance, however, I find I have somewhat exhausted those avenues...dear I say it? I miss the City...well not the City "per se" more like working...so...sing it with me...Heigh Ho...

No need to thank me...

...denizens of London...the miniature heatwave I brought back was purely for selfish reasons!!!

After suffering through 9 hours of a two year old jolting my seat and her mother telling her an infinite number of times to "stop kicking the lady's chair" but at the same time using the back of that very chair to constantly heave her bulk up to visit the facilities...not to mention the said child's constant screaming and general bad behaviour...premium just ain't what it use to be!!!

To a slight hiccup with the taxi driver, who was convinced he was waiting for a man (James Mendi)...I arrived home to fire my estate agent...who acted surprised, but immediately removed me from his site, met with his replacement...who was optimistic but not overly so, unpacked, took receipt of my shopping, which I had the ingenuity to do online while abroad, booked a much needed appointment with my hairdresser and went to sleep...only to be woken by a friend who had been frantically trying to reach me for weeks and was passing, saw the for sale signs and was worried I had sold up and disappeared without telling him...he stayed till after 01:00...I woke today with a headache accompanied by the flu that was receding...glad to be home...well... the sun did follow me!!!

Penultimate day in Paradise...

Despite my efforts and prayers to the Ash Gods, it appears that I will be boarding that London-bound plane!!! I do not despair though as I believe I have found my builder...still awaiting a final quote...

This has been a most interesting exercise, having interviewed 7 builders and only finding two worthy of a second look. My six weeks went in but a blink of an eye, but I have achieved much. I ended my last evening with a delicious meal and superb company, a perfect end...now back to London and my SO FIRED Estate Agent. I have a meeting set up with a replacement on arrival, let's hope this company has less froth and more coffee!!!

Mendi Scissor Legs?

Today I fell...and NO...I was not in the least bit inebriated...that was last night!!! I slipped on wet ceramic tile and managed to perform a straddle split any gymnast would have been proud to own...the only thing is...I'm in agony.

Self diagnosis tells me I have pulled my ham string or injured my Biceps Femoris at the very least. My hosts, who I am suing by the way, have been most gracious, Rolf furnished me with a crutch, and Nikki kindly ice-packed my injury, after some manhandling (me not her). However, this will not sway me from bringing separate civil suits against them!!!

Some may say this is just a ploy to extend my already ridiculous sabbatical...I refute this most fervently as I cannot wait to get back to good ol' Blighty for some rain, sleet and SMOG!!!

The Culinary Terrorist...

She'll probably balk at this, but the above-mentioned title goes some (and only some) way to describe my host. Nikki has won this accolade hands down with combinations such as scrambled eggs with sardines, fried fish and pesto pasta, not to mention her suggestion of the day, curry beef with macaroni cheese...the woman is unbalanced...my abused pallet cries out for mercy!!!

Taking pity on my hosts, their children (who don't actually seem to mind...my condolences to all future spouses) and my persecuted taste buds, I decided to take over culinary duties for a time. Starting off simply with a dish of chicken wings with guava and jerk, I had in mind an accompaniment of fried potatoes and sweet corn, however, Nikki suggested that we have both potatoes AND pasta, I didn't dear ask whether that would be mixed together.

My second dish, stewed chicken with aubergines, an accompaniment of rice and plantain. For the children I made cheesy pasta with frankfurters. Nikki somehow managed to mix all of the above on her plate and enjoy it...Mmm. On to my next dish, which will be ochra and rice, with salt meat and saltfish, this should go down a treat...its as she likes...everything mixed together!!!

Well...Its Almost Like Being In Love...

Guinness Ice Cream...namely Power...aptly named as it has the power to draw sounds of delight and expressions of deep joy from your person at every stupendous mouthful... lamentations more akin to the bedroom than the palor!!!

A tub disappeared before my eyes, there were only three of us for crying out loud...the other two were just too greedy me thinks...wolfing down the delicate mixture without genuflection...I savoured every last titillating morsel... alcohol in the guise of a dessert...pure ambrosia...thus satisfying two of my basic requirements with minimum effort!!!

...or an Architect...

...NO...REALLY!!! Had my architect fix a few teeny tiny things, namely adding six feet to my landing and rotating the staircase, which was NOT as instructed in the first place and HE CHARGED ME...the b'stad!!! It must have taken him all of 15 seconds (maybe 15 minutes) to complete the task and yet he billed me??? I guess he has to recoup on the sum I refused to pay for my pool house drawings, paid him half...which is what I deemed them worth...but that was years ago. With hindsight, maybe should have gone to someone with less of a grudge...you think???

On a totally different note...went shopping today, must point out that this is not actually the first time, however, I was on a mission...went in search of wine and blue cheese...and found it...Gallo Wine and Roquefort in abundance, not to mention blue brie, camenbert and gorgonzola...fantastic, blue cheese, bacon and tomato bagel (toasted) for breakie tomorrow!!!

Now I'm thinking...what will I miss not being in London? As I gaze out at my current view (nice) with a glass of wine in hand (nicER), thinking about my breakfast in the morning (Mmm) nothing immediately springs to mind!!!

Tasty...

...they have found me and made a veritable feast!!! I blame the rain...stirring them from their slumber or whatever it was they were doing...and here I was thinking I was safe in Breezy Heights (favourable name for my tower when I'm less than drunk), but no...to add insult to injury, they sing to me while they bite...mosquitos got talent!!!

I have 4 quotes before me...four very different quotes that range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Let us dispense with the Builder A, B, C etc and rename them Charlatan 1, 2, 3 etc!!!

So Charlatan 1, which was Builder A came back with almost half of the original quote missing. Charlatan 2 (Builder B...should I keep this up?) has somehow manage to knock off a third from his price. Charlatan 3, came in the highest...thus managing to eclipse both Charlatans 1 and 2...didn't see that coming...but was most obliging, leaving me with the assurance that "we cud wok sumting out".

I ask you...EC$150,000 (£37,500) for the shell of a pool, which entails: excavation, steel work and casting...to clarify...I wouldn't be able to swim in the damn thing until finished, which would cost a further EC$50k (£13k)!!!

Charlatan 4...whose quote came in second highest (comparatively speaking as he neglected to quote for the pool house and pool), advised that this was his first and best offer!!! When asked if I wanted him to go ahead and quote for the missing components, a polite "not at the moment" was uttered.

Both Charlatans 1 and 2 came armed with a proliferation of excuses as to why they were able to shave their original costs by such spectacular sums, from the omission of steel to the substitution of smaller blocks. BUT...the most entertaining by far, was Charlatan 3, who based his quote on a figure he saw on the envelope the plans were in, he had the temerity to inquire how his could be the highest quote submitted when the figure he saw was much higher...needless to say...Charlatans 3 and 4 are definitely out of the race...three still out to tender.

Cheers...

I KNEW all the reprobate behaviour of my youth would someday pay off...and that day is today!!! A guy I have hung out with for many a Carnival and any other excuse for a party has morphed into my saviour...hurrah...turns out he is a Mortgage Assessor (estimates building costs for the banks), he actually laughed at the quotes I have been given thus far. I left his office furnished with a quote more in the realm of my thinking, three new builders and a Cheshire Cat smile...all for the princely sum of a rum (legal tender in Grenada), I offered food to go with that...least I could do...NO...not procuring!!!