I have 4 quotes before me...four very different quotes that range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Let us dispense with the Builder A, B, C etc and rename them Charlatan 1, 2, 3 etc!!!

So Charlatan 1, which was Builder A came back with almost half of the original quote missing. Charlatan 2 (Builder B...should I keep this up?) has somehow manage to knock off a third from his price. Charlatan 3, came in the highest...thus managing to eclipse both Charlatans 1 and 2...didn't see that coming...but was most obliging, leaving me with the assurance that "we cud wok sumting out".

I ask you...EC$150,000 (£37,500) for the shell of a pool, which entails: excavation, steel work and casting...to clarify...I wouldn't be able to swim in the damn thing until finished, which would cost a further EC$50k (£13k)!!!

Charlatan 4...whose quote came in second highest (comparatively speaking as he neglected to quote for the pool house and pool), advised that this was his first and best offer!!! When asked if I wanted him to go ahead and quote for the missing components, a polite "not at the moment" was uttered.

Both Charlatans 1 and 2 came armed with a proliferation of excuses as to why they were able to shave their original costs by such spectacular sums, from the omission of steel to the substitution of smaller blocks. BUT...the most entertaining by far, was Charlatan 3, who based his quote on a figure he saw on the envelope the plans were in, he had the temerity to inquire how his could be the highest quote submitted when the figure he saw was much higher...needless to say...Charlatans 3 and 4 are definitely out of the race...three still out to tender.